In Vietnamese feudal society, marriage was thought to be a union between two families of equal status with a view to maintaining their clans and keeping their property in tact for posterity. Consequently, parents arranged marriages without taking into account their children's feelings. This strict attitude forced many young couples into an unhappy life.
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| The wedding photos of Vietnamese in feudal period |
Societal customs and manners required that people accept many marital taboos. For example, the liền anh (man singer) and liền chị (woman singer) who had trained together as partners in a quan họ (traditional couple singing) village could never marry one another. A person coming from a family of rank and fashion could never marry a person from a family with a lowly profession. Prohibitions against consanguinity with the same paternal relations were especially important. Such marriages were considered incestuous and brought condemnation and punishment. The category of "close relatives" was broad during feudalism; even distant blood relatives could not marry.
In Viet Nam's patriarchal society, a husband could live with his wife's family only in special cases. Confucian feudal ethics considered the husband the master of the house, while the wife essentially had no status. At that time, women did not have the right to live their own lives. Rigid principles fettered them: A woman followed her father during her childhood, her husband after marriage, and her oldest son after her husband's death.
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| The Vietnamese women in feudal period |
Moreover, the culture favoured polygamy. By law, the husband could have many wives and young concubines, yet the wife had to remain loyal to her husband. Severe rules punished women who committed adultery. The Hoàng Việt Laws in the Nguyễn Dynasty were typical; as punishment, the adulteress and her partner received one hundred blows, whereas the husband was free to sell his wife.
Needless to say, the feudal regime debased Vietnamese women and made them dependent on their husbands and their husbands' families. French colonial law perpetuated feudal patriarchy by recognising polygamy. Further, only the husband held the family's real estate and other property. These regulations brought adversity to many.
However, Vietnamese arriving in the newly settled south lived beyond the reach of the feudal customs that were so strong in northern Viet Nam. Moreover, years of cultural contact with Westerners made southerners more open to Western ideas about love and marriage. Southerners facing the challenges of settling a new frontier developed profound emotional bonds between husband and wife that were more important than clan customs, as these ca dao (peasant poetry) lines show:
I would rather die by the sword
Than abandon my love.
Most southern farmers were not schooled in the Confucian customs of the feudal regime. When choosing marriage partners, they relied upon sentiment and common sense rather than on their parent's wishes, as the following ca dao lines i I lustrate:
If you love me
Don't forsake me because of your father and mother.
Although these southerners did not live in comfort, they valued married life and nurtured love. Except for rich landlords and village notables, southern farmers were too poor to practise polygamy. Husbands and wives worked side by side to survive. The northern emphasis on patriarchy and hierarchy became irrelevant.
Easy communication between the northern and southern parts of the country has reduced regional differences in attitudes toward marriage. Modern Vietnamese have dropped some of the old marital practices yet have maintained or revived others.