1. Lễ chạm ngõ (nạp thái): After the two families agree on the marriage, the bride's family and a matchmaker decide on an auspicious day for the groom's parents to bring gifts to the bride's house and formally ask for an engagement. The groom's parents present a piece of paper on which they have written the bridegroom's name, age, and birth date. The bride's family decides whether to accept the engagement. After this ceremony, the two families must confer with their ancestors at their respective family altars about the engagement. The two families then visit each other to strengthen their relationship and discuss the wedding arrangements. At this stage, either family can cancel the marriage.
2. Ăn hỏi (vấn danh): This is a solemn ceremony to announce the pending marriage. The groom, his family, the matchmaker, and some close relatives bring gifts such as betel nuts, candied lotus seeds, tea, and bánh cốm (cốm cakes) to the bride's house and offer them to the bride's ancestors.
The bride's parents then divide the presents into many small gifts, which they take to their friends and relatives as a way to announce the engagement.
3. Lễ cưới (thân nghênh): On behalf of the bridegroom's family, a respected older man who is happily married with many children and grandchildren will lead the groom and his companions to fetch the bride. When the groom enters the bride's house, he pays homage to the bride's ancestors. Before leaving her house, the bride steps over a stove with burning charcoal to eradicate any possible bad luck.